Arthur tells Merlin excatly how useless he thinks
by DrusillaSnaps
Summary: Merlin snaps one day at work, and demands that Arthur tell him exactlly what he thinks of him. Please R & R Slight fluff, but mainly funny!


"Seriously Arthur, why don't you just let it all out... tell me, go on! Tell me exactly what you think of me! Tell me how useless I am, how stupid I look... tell me, go on, because I have had just about enough of your snide comments very time I try and work! Tell me now, and let me get on with it all!" Merlin raged. He had just had his work interrupted, again, by Arthur. Arthur, despite knowing how hard Merlin worked at his job, called him useless and stupid. True, Arthur said such things every day, but something about his words this time, made Merlin snap.

"You really want to know, exactly what I think of you?" Arthur asked, smirk on his lips, eyebrow raised. Merlin threw the cloth in his hands to the floor.

"Yeah, I think I do," He said, getting so up in Arthurs face, he was surprised he wasn't punched.

"Okay... Okay... I'll tell you," Arthur said, his smirk now more of a playful smile. "For a start, you ears, they are way too big! Seriously, can you hear everything? Like, if I went out of the room and whispered, would you hear me?" Arthur paused to take in the expression on Merlin's face. He was disappointed to see that it hadn't changed much... but his smile only widened when he realised that Merlin's ears had reddened in embarrassment.

"Go on," Merlin said, attempting to raise an eyebrow himself. He failed however, to look sarcastic, threatening, or even annoyed... it just made it look like he was pulling face's. At least to Arthur anyway.

"That smile of yours... do you know how retarded it makes you look! Seriously, the first time you smiled at me like that, I thought you so mentally challenged, that you must have been dropped on your head as a child. Then again, you probably were... many times... sure would explain a lot,"

"Fine, I will never smile in your presence again sire," Merlin said. Arthur frowned, for, as retarded as Merlin looked when he smiled, it didn't nearly compare to how cute he looked.

"Aw Merlin, don't say that! It suits you, really, it does. Which is more than I can say for your hair," Merlin's jaw dropped as he brought his hands up to his head. He frantically flattened his hair.

"What's wrong with my hair?" He asked.

"It looks like you cut it yourself, using a bowl, with no mirror," Arthur said.

"My mother cut my hair!" He raged. Arthur bit his lip to stop himself from laughing.

"Oops!" he said with a slight shrug of his shoulders. Merlin gritted his teeth.

"Anything else?"

"Many things still to come Merlin!" Arthur said, pleased at the annoyed expression now on Merlin's face. "For a start, you have the cheekbones of a woman... what's with that? And you're so skinny... too skinny! I can see your ribs when you have no shirt on... come on Merlin, do you eat at all?"

"Well, sire, we aren't all prince's with a kitchen of cooks at our disposal. Some of us have very little to eat," Merlin said, his tone sarcastic and sharp. Arthur felt a slight pang of guilt, true, he had things a little... a lot... better than Merlin, but Merlin didn't know what it was like! All the pressure, having to be good at just about everything, never looking stupid in public...

"Anything else?" Merlin asked, jogging Arthur from his thoughts.

"You're too tall... that, and with the skinny, and the cheekbones... you just look like you've been stretched. Not a good look Merlin, I must say," Arthur said, grabbing Merlin's long arm at the same time, as if to prove his point. "These huge hands don't help... I mean, you really aren't in proportion at all, are you? And your fingers, so long... like spiders!"

"You only say that because I'm taller than you, and you don't like it," Merlin stated with a smirk. He knew Arthur hated being that little bit shorter. Little bit it may be, but it was a huge knock on Arthur's ego.

"If you say so Merlin!" Arthur said with a sigh. Inside however, he was annoyed. _How the hell did Merlin know that Arthur hated the fact that he was the shorter of the two?_ "At least I'm not as pale as freshly fallen snow! Come one Merlin, did you ever even go outside before you came to Camelot? Or does the sun just not like you?"

"Okay! I get it! I'm ugly, can we move on please?" Merlin said with a sigh. He was trying desperately hard to look like Arthur's teasing hadn't gotten to him, but Arthur could see through it. Merlin was rattled.

"I never said that... really..." Arthur whispered, deciding at the same time to change to subject. Did he _really_ want to go on talking about how _not_ ugly he thought Merlin was? "Okay then, moving on. I have a question for you, do you put grease on your fingers?" Merlin looked bewildered.

"Uh... no..." He said, prolonging the 'no' in confusion.

"Then why the hell are you so clumsy. Merlin, not one day has gone past, when you have not dropped something! And do you even know how to ride a horse at all?" Arthur however, didn't let Merlin answer, "I've lost track of the amount of times you have fallen off your horse while we have been riding together!"

"Not everyone was taught how to ride from birth," Merlin replied bitterly.

"True, still, doesn't explain why you still have such a little grasp on the basics of horse riding." Arthur teased. Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"Anything else you'd like to add?" he asked.

"You are terrible at cleaning my amour, at helping me put my armour on, at mucking out the stables, at waking me up on time... in fact, you're pretty useless in general," Arthur said, not noticing the hurt look in Merlin's eyes.

"So maybe you wouldn't mind if I just quit then, would you?" Merlin said, trying hard to sound strong, yet unable to hide the wobble in his voice. He attempted to leave, but Arthur grabbed his arm.

"Hey! Hey... Merlin, wait," he whispered, his voice suddenly soft, tender, full of worry. Merlin stopped, but didn't turn round.

"Do you wish to rub salt in my wounds sire?" he asked.

"You asked Merlin!" Arthur cried, annoyed. Merlin again attempted to leave. "WAIT... Merlin, listen... I don't believe that, really I don't... I just..." Merlin turned round, his expression torn between confusion and anger.

"Just what? Can't control think before you speak? Can't help but make fun of people? Can't help but be an arrogant, selfish, full off himself royal prat?" Merlin yelled.

"No... Merlin, yes I may think all of those things," Arthur paused, completely unsure as the whether to follow his heart, or his head, "I may think you look a bit weird, and that you are useless... but then I look into your eyes, and none of that matters. All I see is you, Merlin, and the beautiful person you are, inside and out... and I can't help but say such cruel things, because I'm scared, so scared... I've never... not even with a woman felt this way..." Merlin didn't reply, and so Arthur dropped his arm and turned away, ashamed and embarrassed, "I love you Merlin, stupidity, uselessness and weird hair cut and all... in fact, I don't think I could be in love with you without all those things..." Still, no reply came, only the sound of the door being shut. Arthur sank, face first, onto his bed, and allowed his tears to fall.

"I love you too... even if you are an egotistical, arrogant, overly good looking prat,"


End file.
